Self-Love for Women | Megan Logan, LCSW
Hey guys, you're tuning in this special episode of MomTalks with Christa. I'm your host, Crista and I am so excited to share this episode. It has been a while since I've done an intro like this. So, I am going to be completely transparent here, let you know that I've done about three or four edits so far so it's going to be a fun one. But I'm doing this intro because we actually did this first interview on a different platform. If you don't know already, on my personal page, Hazel Christa, I've been doing some Instagram lives to kind of talk a little bit more about emotional wellness, self-love, and just personal development type things. So I've been doing a different one once a month. And this one I did last month was so cool that I was like this is the perfect interview in audience to share on mom talks with Christa and that is my interview with Megan Logan. And I want to talk a little bit about what Megan does in how I found her. So when it came time for my birthday this year, my fiancé was asking me like birthday ideas and I was like, you know, I really want some kind of like self-love journal. I love like prompts like journal prompts, things I can do first thing in the morning, just to kind of start my day off on the right foot, we all need a little help sometimes. And so he gave me this one called the self-love workbook for women and I like fell in love with it right away. I was starting to use it every day and it was fun, it was a cool activity to do every day. Some kind of reminds me of like, children's books where they help you kind of think outside the box. Some are deeper but it was so cool. And so one day I did one of the prompts in there that was talking about personal personality tests, you know, do the personality test, it was really interesting and I was like, loving the information from it. And so, I tagged her. She messaged me back and I was like, Oh, this is so cool she's messaging me back. And so I was like, you know what, I'm going to ask her, she wants to come on and talk on Instagram live about her book about self-love. And so, a little bit about Meghan, she is a therapist, and she focuses on self-love. She helps her patients, with different prompts that are similar to the book about how to love themselves and kind of going in that journey of self-love. So we cover all kinds of topics, we talk about the book, we talk about tips for giving yourself love, and it was just such a cool conversation. So and those was a long intro, but I just had to share my excitement and I hope you guys feel the same. Go check out Meghan, of course. And check out the self-love workbook for women. I got mine on Amazon, but check it out. It's an amazing conversation. So here it is.
Christa: Awesome. Well, it's so nice to finally meet you. I'm a huge fan, because I love your book. So thank you for coming on and talking with me today.
Megan: I am excited. You know, it's probably been my favorite part of having written the book is getting to connect with people and meeting people from all over. And I didn't even have an Instagram before I wrote the book so now I'm connecting a lot that way. So it's very awesome.
Christa: Yeah, it's like a whole new like Avenue. Right? Awesome. Well, so to kind of get started, can you just talk a little bit about who you are, and kind of where the idea for the book came from and we'll kind of go from there.
Megan: So actually, I am a licensed clinical social worker. I'm in St. Augustine, Florida, which is in the northeast, part of the state on the Atlantic side. And I have been in practice for 22 years, I have a private practice. So full time. I've been working full time private practice for about 10 years. And then prior to that I worked with different domestic violence and sexual assault centers. I work with children in foster care abused children, for hospice for a while. And so a lot of my work has been around trauma and grief and I work with eating disorders. So self-love is definitely at the root of all of that. And the opportunity to write the book came up last year, I was getting in 2020 the start of the pandemic. I was getting emails from a publishing company that was like, so you want to write the self-love workbook for women? I had no idea why in the world. They would choose me I'm not a published author. I have no online media presence. I'm just a counselor in Florida so I kept deleting I'm thinking it was a scam. And then I was like, Well, yeah, I couldn't, I'm the perfect person to write the self-love workbook for women, I've had my own personal struggles and journeys along the way and 22 years of working with that. And so I did it last year during the pandemic, took me four weeks, because they were very structured. And I had to turn in two chapters every week. So within four to five weeks, the book was written while I was still working full time. And then it was published last September, at the end of the year. So it's been out for a year now.
Christa: Wow, talk about timing, like I feel like there can be no better time than with all this going on in the world right now to have a book about self-love and to, like, make the time for it. Because I know a lot of us are kind of feeling the weight of the world, especially with you know, if moms that are at home with lockdown, or new during lockdown, or a lot of jobs have changed during this time. So I can't think of a better a better book for women to be able to spend that time on themselves a little bit.
Megan: Yeah, the timing definitely was Alyssa good thing. And I think to the just the topic of self-love is you see it everywhere. Self-care, self-love. And so there's kind of like a self-care movement that's happening in the world with, especially for females and women, that the book was not something I was supposed to write for men, it was a good title was actually given to me. And so it was a little different in that sense. So there should be probably a self-love workbook for men also, or for anybody, depending on your gender.
Christa: Like yeah, there's so many different ways you could like write it, like there's another like kind of morning journal I've I had used for a while that was like, was it do something that makes you happy every day, and they have like a kid's version too, which I thought was super cute. So I'm just like teaching like kids to at a young age like self-love, you know, it's not selfish. Just spend some time on yourself and understand, you know, what you're going through. And when I was kind of saying before you joined was, so I got this as a gift for my fiancé because I he knows I love like the prompted journals. And I am very routine in the morning of how I spend my first few minutes when I wake up. And so I was like, I want to, I really want a prompt journal. And he found it on Amazon. And now I've just, I get so excited to use it in the morning because it's fun prompts, but it makes you think a little bit to where, you know, maybe you haven't thought about it in a while, like I love the ones about, you know, what's music that makes you happy in the morning? Or what are what's something you're proud of. And I like the last time I just like took the time and wrote down something I was proud of myself for. So where do you kind of come up with these different prompts. And yeah, just the different ideas for the book.
Megan: So, I am a counselor and I work with a lot with children and teenagers. So I think there's a little element of some of these kind of being fun or playful or just creative in that way. And I think the book is structured so that the first part of that is understanding what self-love is and what it's not and then there is some extra stuff in there about releasing self-doubt and the negative ways that we talk to ourselves and so sometimes we need to do the actual write it down, we need to think about it and write it down and kind of capture experiences or moments that we've had and then then we can reframe and restructure the way that we talk to ourselves. And then there's, you know, identifying your gifts. And I think when you combine a lot of time that works cognitive when you're journaling or you're thinking about things, but when you can make it more of an art, artistic type of thing or creative thing. I think that's when the magic happens. We can understand things on our heads, but we don't always connect with it in our heart. So journaling gives you a chance to not just reflect but actually to go in there and do the work and to make it kind of come alive.
Christa: I love that. Yeah. Like everyone's minds are kind of different, how they'll like connect, you know, some people like to write some people like to read. And so this kind of pulls in kind of different angles into one kind of workbook, which is really cool. I think we kind of skipped over the big question, I wanted to ask because well, I guess more of like an intro question. There's a lot of people that know self-care is important, but don't spend the time on it. So for those listening, or watching that are kind of like well, I don't know, I don't really have the time for what would you say like, why is self-care so important? And how can people that don't have the time for it, make it more of a priority and give a little more focused?
Megan: So, it's interesting because self-care is a component to self-love. I think self-love is actually broader than that because I think it spills over into having healthy relationships and being able to recognize our gifts and our strengths in the world. But a good place to start is with self-care is setting aside, it can only it can be five minutes, it doesn't have to be something, you know, like a luxurious spa day. It can happen in the shower, while you're taking a shower, you can smell the shampoo, you can be mindfully present, you can talk to yourself in a kind of compassionate way. So I have a perfect example. Last week, I saw I had breakthrough COVID. And I have had some periods of time when I've been really fatigued and very tired, and it comes and goes, and I had come home at lunchtime to let my dogs out and I got really tired and I said, I'm going to lay down for 30 minutes, I'm going to take a nap. And then I'll go back to my afternoon sessions. And my alarm never went off. And I woke up at like 6pm. So I missed all of my afternoon sessions, I was dead asleep and that's never happened in 22 years. It's not good business. I had to disappoint people. I was disappointing people that and letting them down, which is like a nightmare for me. Self-compassion, and self-love stepped in there. Because I was able to say I'm human, I made a mistake, I can take responsibility for it and make a repair for it. And so, it's not necessarily self-care. But that's what self-love looks like in action. We can screw up we can make mistakes, we cannot be perfect and still be kind and compassionate to ourselves. So whether you're spending time meditating and eating healthy and working out or being with friends or practicing spirituality, things, you can also be kind of gentle and compassionate to yourself. So that that that's really where self-love shows up. I think on a daily basis. It doesn't have to be hours of meditating yoga.
Christa: Right. I love that. Yeah, I think a lot of times, people think has to be this grand gesture and spending the whole day you know, do voting yourselves. But those little things I love that you said like taking the time being present like smelling that shampoo, because like I like last week, I think it was like pie one day, it's always like a mid-week where I'm like, Okay, I need to like, turn all the electronics off in the night, I need to take like moment break. And I just lit it. I went in the tub and I lit a candle and something about the candle smell like relaxed me so much and I was just like this candles amazing like, and it just kind of allowed me to really be present in that moment and just like let the worries kind of fade away. So I love that you said that about the sense in the using your senses around you.
Megan: Yeah, that's a really important practice of mindfulness is being able to tap into the moment that you're in and using your taste, touch, smell sound, to be able to nurture and be kind to ourselves. So I think that mindfulness is a key component when you're practicing self-love and self-care.
Christa: Yeah, absolutely. And so, another part of the book, you talk about getting to know ourselves better and understand, like personality traits is a key to self-love. And so, for anyone watching why, why is it so important? And how did those two kind of connect?
Megan: So I put that in there because I have personal experience of thinking that I was weird. I'm probably I'm a little weird, but I am in the Myers Briggs Personality Type. I'm not an INFJ I think you are also right, is that your type, so you're weird too. Some of my favorite people are INFJs. And so that was a really important part of my own self-discovery and learning to love who I am works at all. And I remember in college, I used to like on the weekend nights to go to the library up in the stacks and read the iPad. I think they still have libraries and stack funnel even no, but it was where all bookstore and we go up there and spend time and I thought why am I doing this is weird. All these other people are going out to like frat parties and having fun and I'm wanting to like be alone in the library by myself. And that's my personality. I grew up thinking I was there was something wrong with me that I needed to be out being social and friendly and partying and I'm not like that. I like to be at home and sweat pants and reading books with just a few people in my little world. So knowing our personality type is how we show up in the world. It's how we interact with our people that we care about and being able to understand that and not judge it as good or bad, right or wrong. It's just who we are and then we can actually tap into that.
Christa: I love that you said that because I mean, like you know, I was like kind of talking about the Myers Briggs that morning and I took it because it was it was a nice reminder because I had taken it before but it's been years. And it was kind of funny after I took the test. I was looking it up and I was like on the same personality type. But I feel like in my college years I was trying so hard to not be that, you know, I wasn't except myself fully. I was like, Oh, we were in college. This is what we do, we go, we go party and like we're doing things all the time and I was like, why am I so mentally drained? And I would come back and I would like, need to be alone. But, you know, you have a roommate or multiple roommates, and you're like, how do I like, and I was not fully understanding myself. So you know, anyone that's listening or watching that has not taken the Myers Briggs, I highly recommend it. It's really just eye opening, I had a few friends messaged me after I posted about it saying like, this is so interesting, I didn't ever do this and I feel really connected to myself.
Megan: And the Enneagram is another really good one, the Enneagram is a little different, because I'm not as knowledgeable about that one, but it has you at your highest level what you could be in at your lowest level. So the highest level, I'm a five, which is like I like knowledge, my highest level. I'm like a creative visionary leader in the world. And then my lowest level, I think I'm like a serial killer. And then it tells you like when you're stressed which way you go, you know how you go to a certain wing when you're stressed or when you're not, not at your highest potential and that was a big one.
Christa: I took that one too. But yeah, I have to look into it further to see like which one I am when I'm like, stressed or because I definitely am different people.
Megan: Yeah, those are called wings. I like that. I don't for some reason. I like the Myers Briggs better, because I think that at least our type INFJ is so complicated and complex that I feel like it captures that. Whereas the Enneagram I'm like, Yeah, I can see that part of myself. But there's way more parts to me.
Christa: I agree. Yeah, I know. I've been getting like the email updates. And I was like, Oh, that's cool. Like, and they kind of seem very, like timely and stuff. Like one was like, if you're over stimulated, here's what's going on and here's how you can help with that. And so that was really cool. Yeah.
Megan: It's really validating having the understanding your personality, it's not about whether you're it's good or bad, and other key then you can also have a love for other people's personalities and realize that they don't have to be any different. They are who they are. And that's good, too.
Christa: Yeah, definitely. I think like we, I know, we've done different personality tests, like at my job here. And its kind of helped us understand each other, the team better like how, oh, you're you work this way. Oh, she works this way. So it kind of allows I feel like teams to kind understand better families understand each other better. Instead of thinking we only be one way, we all need to work this way. We all need to take care of ourselves this way. And I think it's super powerful to kind of connect that way. Absolutely. Awesome. And so, what how can someone tell? Because I think this book brings out like a lot of amazing points of, you know, self-compassion, like you were just kind of talking about how can someone tell if you know, it's time that they need to focus a little bit more in self-love, like other signs that they can look for, or maybe in a friend or family member or their signs that they can look for and be like, hey, like, how can I help you? Or is there something that you need help with anything like that?
Megan: Yeah, I think that you know, a lack of self-love or not prioritizing ourselves shows up in many different ways. As women and mothers, we oftentimes tend to put everyone else before ourselves and make sure that everyone else is doing okay, so sometimes that can lead to burnout and resentment. And when you're over functioning, and you're taking care of everyone else, and making sure they're doing what they're supposed to be doing or feeling responsible for how they're feeling, we can grow resentful, and that can look in that we're being grumpy, or we're just, you know, not really having energy to let our light shine, so to speak. So I think a lack of self-love can show off obviously, in self-destructive patterns and behaviors and isolating addictions and ways that we try to numb and disconnect self. A lack of self-love can show up when I'd like to think of it as everything's a spectrum in life, but there's like the classic bullying. So if you don't love yourself, you can't really extend love to other people, you're going to end up making them feel badly or be cruel or mean. And then on the other end of that is, I only care what everyone else thinks and their feelings are more important than mine. And I need to make sure they're okay and that's the people pleasing perfectionist, I tend to be on that side. But I've come back to the middle and I can think of an another example. I always try to think of examples which is why I think the workbooks important because then it's individualized to you and your experiences. I divorce and I have decided I'm going to go out there in the dating world last year, and I met somebody I really liked and I thought they like me back and we were friends because I think they were in a relationship. But I ended up writing an email, pouring my heart and soul out about how I felt about this person and I saved it in my draft, or I thought it was saving it in my drafts, I had their email on the top, and I hit send and like I was like, undo, undo, undo, undo. Well, the person response was, really, it was like, You're crazy. I'm not interested, leave me alone and then I never got to talk to that person again, to get closer, I was mortified, and humiliated and rejected and all these horrible feelings now I can laugh at it, my 16-year-old daughter makes fun of me and we talked about how cringy it was. But that's a perfect example of in the past, if that had happened to me, I would have been like, I'm too fat. Oh, to be like, I need to go like lose a bunch of weight, or I need to go, I'm not weird, or my personality, I'm too intense, or there's just something brought, there must be something wrong with me for that to happen. But and I did that for a little bit for a couple days and then I was like, you know what? My self-worth and my value is not defined by whether somebody else is interested in me, I am worthy and lovable just for who I am. And I don't have to have those outside measurements. And I don't need to change myself so that someone else will like me for whatever reason. So that's how it how it looks when you've done the work. When you don't do the work, you end up feeling like there's something wrong with you, and you're not good enough. So you're hustling to try to prove that you are whether you're tasting somebody or something?
Christa: Absolutely, I think that's so relatable where we immediately think like, whether it's Yeah, dating life or friends, or, you know, if someone doesn't like you, oh, I need to change the way I am. And I think especially when we're younger, and like growing up and learning how to make friends. And this, you're like, Oh, well, this is like the cool group so I feel like I need to do that, or this is the athletic groups and maybe I should do that. And it's like, not realizing that we each have our own kind of specialties that make us unique, and you don't need to, you know, hide that for other people.
Megan: And you see that with moms, you know, you think as you get older that it gets better, but it doesn't always get better we look for as women, a lot of times our physical appearance, we may look for how many friends we have, how many likes we get on social media. All these different things that tell us whether we're good enough, or whether we're worthy. And so, identifying that and realizing that your true worth comes from within and it's not based on an outside societal measure, or what other people think about you. And I think when you do the workbook, it all sounds wonderful. And here, I am an expert in that. And I still struggle with it on a regular basis and have to do the work, I have to actually sit down and talk myself through that and work through that.
Christa: Yeah, that's something I've talked about here on this page, too, is because like, I obviously talk about self-love and emotional wellness a lot. But I'm like, first and foremost, like, Hey, I'm struggling with everyone else. It's a daily practice, it really is because I can kind of tell days where I, or weeks where I haven't done the work that I know I need to do. And I'm like, well, that's why I'm kind of feeling you know, down or like in waves because I haven't put in the work and it. I always say to like self-love is a journey. It's not just like checking a box, like, Okay, I love myself, that's it. It's definitely a process every day.
Megan: It's a continual practice. It's how you have to set the intention to do that. And self-love, there’s many different ways that you can do that, you can do that on a spiritual level, you can do that in the world around you level, you can do that within yourself and recognizing your gifts and your strengths. And I think there's a chapter or somewhere in the background. Like it's not above all bubble baths and manicures. It's not all that self-care stuff. It's a that's an important component to it. I think it's not all roses, and fun shines either. It's sometimes self-love is painful. Sometimes doing the work for self-love means we go to those parts of ourselves that we don't necessarily like or we don't think other people are going to like, and so it's vulnerable. And it's scary. And it can be really intimidating to do that depth of self-love, thick. We have an idea that it's just surface stuff, but part of my personality is to like go too deep about things and I think there's so much more depth to self-love.
Christa: Yeah, and I mean, I can get through even tell like with the book, like my own, like response to some things like, the lighter like, fun stuff that we're kind of talking about, like listening music that makes you feel good, that kind of stuff. And then I noticed when it was like deeper stuff, like, is there some time you felt rejected? Or I think there was one about like, when you're growing up? Is there a time that you felt down about something? And I like, I almost like want to skip it at first because I'm like, Oh, I don't know if I want to go there. But then like, no, I need to force myself to go there because maybe that's a reason why I feel such and such right now.
Megan: Hard work. I actually joined a book club. A woman had contacted me last year about the book I'm speaking Got her book club. And I was like, Sure, and I love the women so much I joined. And then I just did it as a participant for a couple rounds and we're actually doing it together right now. And we talk a lot about that sharing it and being vulnerable. It's one thing to do the workbook yourself, but then to share it with other women, and to talk about it and share that vulnerability makes it even more powerful.
Christa: Yeah, that's amazing. It's like, I think, actually saw one question in here and get some questions. Let's see, Larissa says, Yes, being kind to ourselves. Maria says, true earth comes from within me to remind myself of that. As a new mom, I need to give myself more love, what easy tips ways can you share on how I can prioritize, and give myself love.
Megan: That's a really good one. As a new mom, I remember just trying to get through the day. You know, I have two children that are a year apart. And there were some days that were just really, really hard after I was working and coming home, and my husband at the time was working at nights and on the weekends, and it was tough. So I would say, you know, they say when your baby's resting rest, which is hard to do, because there's laundry and a lot of other stuff that has to get done. But being able to say I deserve to have some time asking for help asking for help from your tribe, or people you know, and that's hard to do, especially as a new mom, you don't maybe want to have somebody else help you out there. But being able to not have to feel like you're doing it alone, I think is really important. And then some of those little things. I mean, you can practice mindfulness while you're going to the bathroom and you can, for five minutes, just be like, I'm going to sit here and I'm going to actually hungry, I'm going to go eat a snack, I'm going to get take the time to sit down and eat my meal, and enjoy it and appreciate it for five minutes. Taking a shower, when you have a newborn is like a luxury but just giving yourself permission to doing that.
Christa: Yeah, and I love the breathing exercises, too. In the book, I keep hearing more and more about doing regular breathing exercises and I'm not going to lie when I first heard about breathing exercises, I'm like, that's not going to do anything. But then it's amazing, we added as a team here we went to like Wim Hof a while back. And then you know, I've done a couple of like meditation, breathing things, and it really like you are forced to be present, when you just sit and focus on breath. So even if you have a few minutes just to breathe, and like nothing anything else, that's hard.
Megan: That's my favorite part of yoga is, the breathing. And I meditate like every night probably because sometimes for an hour, I've gotten really good at it. But that is all starts with focusing your breath and being centered and being in the moment. And the only thing that exists is that moment, right? Then you're not worrying about the future. You're not beating yourself up for something in the past. You're just in the now in the present moment and sometimes you can add gratitude in there, which can really shift things.
Christa: Yeah, I think finding that thing. I was just saying to someone like I'm currently running to train for a half marathon. And while it's been really hard, and but when I get to that, like runner's high, where literally like, nothing else matters, and those moments and I'm just filled with gratitude. I'm like, everyone needs to find whatever that thing is for them. If they get lost in something for a couple minutes, just really focusing on something that makes them feel good, makes them happy. I think that's very powerful, for sure. Awesome. Well, I know we're kind of towards the end here. But I'm just really curious, like, do you have any other plans like seeing I mean, I know it's a best seller on Amazon. Now. I'm going to hold up for anyone that's joining notes, I can see what the cover looks like, and everything I know, I've been posting about it. Such a pretty, did you buy a plane, or any other books in the future or any second edition, you know?
Megan: So, I am working on a not a second edition because my contract, I don't have rights to this book. So I don't get royalties or anything like that and the contract is very specific of things that I can write about in the future. So I won't be doing another self-love workbook, but I am going to be doing one on nurturing and it's going to be I think structure where it's a weekly so there's weekly narrative meditative type stuff to think about, and then some like workbooks just because I'm a therapist, and I have to ask people questions and have them apply it to their lives. So I'm working on that. I have a couple other ideas. So we'll see what happens in the future. Probably no, won't be anytime immediately.
Christa: All right, awesome. And where can everyone follow you find your book and whatever. Any other projects you have coming up?
Megan: Yeah, so I'm on Instagram, and its just Megan Logan LCSW W. I.C. like I said, I'll be working on the book. I do a lot of podcast interviews, but I'm still proud. I'm a therapist. So I've been full time in private practice seeing clients all day long. So that's my main job and I'm very successful and busy with that. So I'm not really necessarily out doing other things.
Christa: Awesome. Well, this is cool. I am just again, I'm so happy that you're able to come on and talk with me. Like, I was like, so excited when you came back. And you're like, Yeah, I'd love to come on. I was like, telling everyone I couldn't wait. So this is awesome. And then anyone that is following me here, I'm also giving away one of her workbooks at the end of the month, with a little eye mask as well, just because I just want to give the gift to someone to that they can enjoy this book, because it's helped me immensely, even more as I just take, like, two minutes to do sometimes.
Megan: I just read the cover. Oh, I first thought and that's all I do. I don't open it. I just look at it. Read the cover.
Christa: Cover soft. You know, that's a little self-love. That's awesome. Well, again, thank you so much for coming on. It was so nice being talking with you.
Megan: Thank you for having me. Good luck. And I hope everybody does a lot of the work on their self-love journey and enjoys the process.
Christa: Thank you guys for into tuning into this episode of mom talks with Christa, I hope you were able to pull something away from that conversation with Megan. I know I really enjoy talking with her. I mean, they're just some conversations where I walk away and I just feel so alive and so inspired. It's hard and you're in the thick of it, running around checking your Tesla every day, to just slow down and be like, what do I enjoy? How can I give myself a few minutes today of something that makes me feel alive? So I hope you guys can pull something away from this conversation and do something to give yourself love not for anyone else. Not something you have to do but something you want to do for yourself that makes you feel good. So I hope you leave this conversation and feel a little inspired today. Definitely go check out Megan on Instagram. All her links are copied below in her book. The self-love workbook for women is available on Amazon. So thanks for tuning in to this episode, and I will see you next week.
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